Is it fair to live a lie? Even if the lie protects people. Is it okay to spend a lifetime in regret? If you had the opportunity to let someone go could you?

My wife is depressed. We've tried counseling but I don't think it was very effective. We have a young child and another one on the way. But through many conversations that we have had, I recognize the fact that the things she values are not the kids, myself and especially the "home life" that is stigma with having kids, job and a house payment. In the past I've told her to leave and go do the things she wants to. Not condescendingly but in a serious tone and I mean it. I've told her this but in the same breath I have told her to come back when she's ready and we would all be waiting for her. She thinks that is selfish.

In a way it is but if it allows you to live the rest of your life without regret, isn't it selfless in a way. I'm just trying to make sense of things. We are not a family of great means although she has come from a family that wants for nothing. I don't know if this is cause for part of the stress with her. I hope something soon can be resolved with this.